All Big Noses DO Look the Same

  A Day In The Life Of Brindy
Oh my God! Yesterday, was quite possibly the longest day of my life! Many things contributed to the length: the heat, the packing, sickness, arranging, waiting for passports, a very long trip to the airport with two overtired nap interrupted babies and a few annoying adults, but the possibility of being held in a communist country with liberal capital punishment for fraud weighed the heaviest. (Note: As i write from Guangzhou, I am okay, unharmed, lounging in a silk dragon robe enjoying the luxuries of our five star hotel suite. Thank you sugar momma Chris!) Pressing forward.
Yesterday started with a wake up call from Mindy, who was suffering from a fever and flu like symptoms. She is traveling solo, so obviously needed some extra help. Peeling my eyes and ears open to hear Chris (Dr.Chris that is), give Mindy advice, little did I know what the day had in store for me. Dr. Susan took Sam so Mindy could get better as we had to travel to our final destination-Guangzhou. Mindy was obviously worried that she would have to stay in Fuzhou so we all were doing anything we could to carry on as planned.
Our last hours in Fuzhou and Chris had missed our trip to the Xiuan Monastery so we were off in zippy green taxi driven by a woman? a little suspect as she did not match the photo of the drivers id photo( a man)? Hmmm....We made it and you know the schtick by now it was blazing HOT and 180% humidity! (My Gramps would be proud of me writing so much about the weather.) We first stopped in the gift shop and scored some great pieces from Schell’s friend who had helped me the first time. The monastery was even more beautiful and serene without the constant banter and annoying humor and cultural cluelessness of Bozo and company. Back to our hotel.
I then called Schell to have him make arrangements for Mindy to stay at the hotel as long as possible. Many back and forth phone conversations to Schell, Mindy, Dr. Susan in the midst of trying to contain the hurricane that had hit our room (HOW did we get here carry on? Our stuff seems to have swelled exponentially. The humidity?) and pack it all up. In the last call from Schell he told Chris “yes and we will pick up babies passport and one of you will be Mindy. Just like that.” Well of course Chris could not as she is the mother of Hazel-so by default I became “MIndy-mother of Sam”. I was really too busy to think about it. Another ring...”Brit-tah sweetie, go get Mindy’s passport-you must have it. Bring it with you.” Okay, this is getting a little uncomfortable. As we took our last elevator ride down I was memorizing Mindy’s birthday and place of birth. My mind swirling with panic and questions. What is his Chinese name? Where was he born? What is My address? Susan plopped Sam in my arms and said “play with baby, you are his MaMa!” with her classic giggle. All loaded up in a three seater van with 11 people and the back seat piled to the ceiling with luggage. On the way to the baby passport pick-up Schell said maybe they will ask “how your hair grew in one day?-this may be a problem” What? In my world they would just look at “my” passport and baby Sam’s. I had forgotten of the photos taken with baby in the red coat and mommas head next to the baby’s. Yikes. I thought I was nervous in the hotel lobby? Now my heart was racing. What the hell am I doing posing as this boy’s mother in front of the police??? The Communist Chinese, you are NOT innocent until proven guilty, Police. Everyone was nervous, but trying to keep up good spirits and keep the laughter happening. If I failed, all involved would have to deal with the worst possible thing in the Chinese culture: Losing Face!! One of us thought that a hat would help. Hat, hat, anyone? No, no such luck. Chris ( aka Mary Poppins) then whipped out her bandana and we decided to fashion a sort of do rag for me-hide the locks. I have to admit, I was cracking up on the outside but really wondering what the Hell on the inside. All approved the new look and I was ready to go. A long, long wait with bored uncomfortable babies packed in the sardine can-the only savior the AC. Patiently waiting until we got the signal. Very auspicious weather outside, thunder rumbling and booming closer and closer and the clouds opened and showered us as we ran “in” which consisted of a few love seats and table on a covered marble porch in an odd police office building. The official took my passport, checked it out and then decided to do Chris’ and the other couples and laid mine to the side. I had to sit and wait patiently in my disguise. Finally, my turn. Big breath, act confident, excited, this is your new baby and you are getting his passport. The official opened the fed exed envelope with Sam’s expedited passport, looked it over, looked at “mine”, looked at our picture together, looked at me, looked at Sam, turned Sam’s head. Looked in my eyes, looked at my photo. A pause and relief, time to print my name; Mindy Singleton. A hearty congratulations and my acting career was complete. Whoa! Back in the bus and everyone could decompress and breathe a sigh of relief. Susan and Schell were so happy with my “performance” and of course only after did Schell admit how nervous he was and how thankful that I agreed to be Mindy and I had done such a good job. I was then deemed “Brindy” by Bozo. Chris says this name is his only positive contribution to the trip. His only connection to China seems to be his love and admiration of Bruce Lee-he loves to move his daughters legs and make kung fu noises as he has her “pretend’ to be kicking and punching Bruce Lee style...and he is another blog, another day.
For now I am so happy to have saved face, expedited Mindy’s trip and be comfortable and safe at the famous “Baby Hotel”. Out into the heat to frolic in the pool.