elephants and angels
writing this blog has been great entertainment for me. i love distilling my observations of china and sharing them, i love describing the funny scenarios that occur when you don’t speak a word of the local language. i love posting photos of the scenes and babies. but there has been an elephant in the room here with me as well, so i will say in advance that this is not a light hearted entry.
all three of the families on this trip are adopting special needs kids. they came from different corners of fujian, a distance of at least 4 hours by car for each of them. one was in foster care, two in orphanages. when one of our fellow travelers confided that she felt that something was very wrong with the toddler who had been placed in her arms, i was certain that she was worrying and that he would perk up in a day or so like most post institutionalized kids. but i had not really looked at him closely. in the chaos of the civil affairs office and official paperwork that must be completed for the adoption, i was immersed in the making of my own family. on closer observation he was extremely delayed at 15 months, and had a severe lack of muscle tone along with some worrisome postures. when they came to our room, britta put it perfectly- she said, “well you can tell something is just not right.”
after 2 sleepless nights and fretful filled days, her fears were confirmed by a highly respected team of chinese doctors who examined the child who was to be her son. before getting very far into the neurological evaluation they turned to her and said, “this is not good”. in the end the diagnosis was cerebral palsy and mental retardation. not simply the cleft lip and palate that was so apparent. greiving, she made the decision that she could not bring him home, that parenting a child with those needs was not what she was prepared for and would likely devastate her family. initially her response was that she just wanted to get on a plane and go home. she felt angry and betrayed by the orphanage who to the end , kept saying that there was nothing wrong with the baby. after getting some sleep, she realized that she came her for her son, and decided to allow the ccaa to refer her another child.
within 24 hours the ccaa had made another match for her, of a 14 month old boy with a repaired cleft lip and unrepaired cleft palate. he had been living in a foster home with an american family who had named him “samson” and he was called “baby sam” by the children. (samuel, aka sam was the name chosen by her for her son.)
the foster family moved here from florida, called by god to foster special needs kids here in china. they have 8 children living with them, and have hired , and volunteer help with the children. samson has been with them since his lip repair in november and he was obviously well cared for. they were loving and caring people who gave this little boy the gift of a secure start in life.
in the way that life is often circular, and that goods things can come from bad, in a phone conversation after the new placement had taken place, the foster mother said that she and her husband are interested in adopting the first baby. someone said that she looked like an angel when she was saying good bye to samson, and i have to agree.
all three of the families on this trip are adopting special needs kids. they came from different corners of fujian, a distance of at least 4 hours by car for each of them. one was in foster care, two in orphanages. when one of our fellow travelers confided that she felt that something was very wrong with the toddler who had been placed in her arms, i was certain that she was worrying and that he would perk up in a day or so like most post institutionalized kids. but i had not really looked at him closely. in the chaos of the civil affairs office and official paperwork that must be completed for the adoption, i was immersed in the making of my own family. on closer observation he was extremely delayed at 15 months, and had a severe lack of muscle tone along with some worrisome postures. when they came to our room, britta put it perfectly- she said, “well you can tell something is just not right.”
after 2 sleepless nights and fretful filled days, her fears were confirmed by a highly respected team of chinese doctors who examined the child who was to be her son. before getting very far into the neurological evaluation they turned to her and said, “this is not good”. in the end the diagnosis was cerebral palsy and mental retardation. not simply the cleft lip and palate that was so apparent. greiving, she made the decision that she could not bring him home, that parenting a child with those needs was not what she was prepared for and would likely devastate her family. initially her response was that she just wanted to get on a plane and go home. she felt angry and betrayed by the orphanage who to the end , kept saying that there was nothing wrong with the baby. after getting some sleep, she realized that she came her for her son, and decided to allow the ccaa to refer her another child.
within 24 hours the ccaa had made another match for her, of a 14 month old boy with a repaired cleft lip and unrepaired cleft palate. he had been living in a foster home with an american family who had named him “samson” and he was called “baby sam” by the children. (samuel, aka sam was the name chosen by her for her son.)
the foster family moved here from florida, called by god to foster special needs kids here in china. they have 8 children living with them, and have hired , and volunteer help with the children. samson has been with them since his lip repair in november and he was obviously well cared for. they were loving and caring people who gave this little boy the gift of a secure start in life.
in the way that life is often circular, and that goods things can come from bad, in a phone conversation after the new placement had taken place, the foster mother said that she and her husband are interested in adopting the first baby. someone said that she looked like an angel when she was saying good bye to samson, and i have to agree.
posted by chris at
11:47 PM
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